Little bit of a culture shock when I emerge from my little bubble.
It has however, been very helpful to my personal growth, and I would attribute most of these new social skills to my husband and children.
Reading the media and being out in the world has confronted me with a view point I've been mulling over for quite some time now, and I believe it is one of the most crippling lies my generation is believing. Since all I have to go by is my own humble experience , I don't know where this "thought" emerged from, but I see the damage manifesting in almost every aspect of our lives .
The lie is this: your life is about you .
It is heartbreaking really, as I think about my own isolation or loneliness in my own "self pursuits". The pitch that you should be " living your dream life" , "pursuing your happiness" , " if it makes you happy it's ok" and " if it (or a person) is not making you happy then stop" all sounds so empowering , but it is such a superficial power it is almost an illusion.
I agree with the "push" (for a lack of a better word) for our independence (especially with women) and freedom and our ability to do whatever we want in this shrinking world, however, there is very little core created or refined when we are constantly navel gazing. There is no way to correct a character flaw, when you don't have anyone to call you out on it -let alone someone to help you outgrow it. My husband has probable been the biggest eye opener for this for me, not even him personally necessarily, but just being with someone who is committed to you , and my children have raised the red flag for me on how detrimental it really all is.
Being a business woman , I am constantly being bombarded by "follow your passions" , " make the sacrifices for both you and your family" , " this is your life -make the most of it" " because you're worth it" , " because you deserve this ..." I could go on and on on all the " you " and " your" emphasizes. But to really make my life about what I want, takes about 100% of my effort, leaving no room for conformation, accountability, or correction, if my focus is always on securing my happiness and living my dream ... What do I do when I get into a relationship with someone who has been drinking the same kool-aide !? How can we both possibly live our dream lives and stay in love? The bottom line is you can't , and society, I feel, has made that ok - to forgo the latter to focus on the former "happiness."
But it's so broken. If you really want to get the best out of life ? Fall in love ... Not just with a possible life partner, but with your friends and family. Our pursuit of happiness hinges on us avoiding things that make us unhappy , when the reality is ... You may really need to deal with those vulnerabilities, insecurities , anger and hurt to be truly happy - the catch, you can't do it alone. The beauty of a committed relationship, whether it being with a spouse or a good friend, is that they should be able to speak life and correction into your life, without the threat of you walking away. Some of you may disagree and feel that you can grow as a person on your own, and I do believe you can ... But it will be a much , much slower process , and I feel will result in regrets of not being able to get over yourself to live the life you wanted.
I'm a bit all over the place tonight ... As I have a million thoughts running through my mind -I'm so opinionated! HAHA! But the bottom line is hold on to those people in your life, be freaking committed. I don't care anymore if I'm old fashioned, I've seen so many friends and people I know - I work with women for a living - let me tell you girls , this no commitment thing, ain't working for any of us.
There is no reason for progression if there is an easy out. Do not pursue happiness for the sake of happiness - pursue wholeness and happiness, contentment and actual joy will be by products.(I know my friends are like Sarah-Jane joy-filled, I would like to see it , but it true I have felt joy - deep on my gut and it softens you a little each time) and furthermore it is sustainable and can grow.
I sincerely want to thank those friends who have reached out to me and brought me into their life- you've impacted me in ways you'll never know, and of course my husband . I'm sure in every committed relationship, there is always one person who is more likely to make a run for it, I am so privileged to be with a man who never gives up on us or me. You are my greatest inspiration in life and continually teach me that "we" always trumps "me".
P.s. There are things I have not touched on or even started to unfold , so imagine this is a part one of at least a two post process
Thanks for reading , I hope I'm not alone in this journey.
Xx
Sj
