I see so many young couples getting married ...and maybe they did things right and thought through more then I did, but, I'm a little nervous for them. Ryan and I have an amazing support system with our family, and just the people in our lives speaking into our relationship and our marriage, and when I see young couples getting engaged and married, I can't help but wonder, do they have people in their life to help carry the weight of the commitment they want to make?
I married an incredible man, I really feel like Ryan, as a man of God, and character, is really in his own league. I've seen very few men, his age, with the sincerity and humility that he possess and it has saved our relationship so may times.I never say my husband is perfect, but that he's perfect for me, he is all around a great husband, father and person, someone I look up to and someone that inspires me daily. All that taken into account, we don't live without out moments of pain and conflict -that we both contribute to. More and more lately it seems stress, responsibilities, and growing up are taking their toll. We fight more, we fight easier, we fight harder, we fight longer, and the fights are deeper. Lately it feels like we are constantly grinding each other, we aren't resting in one another, we are stretching one another. We are constantly revealing the ugly things that have been lying dormant inside our heart and spirits, just waiting for the right trigger to come alive again. Sometimes I get so desperate to come up for air or to run far, far away . That is where these beautiful people in our lives, my parents, grandparents and a few close spiritual mom's and dad's provide a little rest and perspective. I don't know how many times I've gone over to my parent's studio, on the verge of tears or exploding , or literally exploding into tears or tearfully exploding , I pour my heart out to them about the disappointments, the hurt and the frustrations in my marriage, and then they tenderly speak life and truth into my bruised heart. Sometimes it's my perspective, sometimes it's my response that's the problem, or sometimes I lose sight of the goal. Let's find the gold in Ryan, regardless of the dirt, and bring that to the surface and let's try and find the gold in me, instead of the dirt, so I can go back into the battlefield, ready to fight for my marriage and not against it.
This stressed to me the importance of family, friends and the community. If you are off, your thinking or your perspective, you are going to be running into a lot of walls, especially in relationships. There needs to be people in your life who you can trust to tell you the truth without any agendas of their own personal gain. This is beyond a key for a healthy marriage, this is a key to being a healthy person, a person that is always growing and maturing. I think though, you can probably put on a front in a society that you a functional without any close friends to speak truth to you; but a marriage, maybe on the outside your marriage will look great, but on the inside, you're not alone with your dysfunctional secrets, your spouse is going through the same pain, confusion and loneliness you are.
Being married reveals a lot to you about yourself, it you are willing to look. Ryan and I are trying to implement proper techniques for conflict resolution and the results are amazing. When we can actually communicate when we disagree or are hurt or angry; it builds our relationship and intimacy, as opposed to arguments , which create walls and distance. It is also incredible revealing for pinpointing the motivators of our actions and our response, which is enabling for healing and supporting one another, which is making us stronger -slowly, and painfully. I know they say muscles get stronger or bigger by the muscles ripping and then healing , I feel kind of like that is what happens to newly married couples as they become more and more united. Your spirit, heart and soul is being ripped, but when you heal, you heal and grow back together, you connection gets more stronger and more powerful.
I think that as Ryan and I get stronger, we will be able more and more to carry the weight of our marriage, but in the meantime, thank you, specifically to my mom and dad , for "spotting" us while we build strength.
I married an incredible man, I really feel like Ryan, as a man of God, and character, is really in his own league. I've seen very few men, his age, with the sincerity and humility that he possess and it has saved our relationship so may times.I never say my husband is perfect, but that he's perfect for me, he is all around a great husband, father and person, someone I look up to and someone that inspires me daily. All that taken into account, we don't live without out moments of pain and conflict -that we both contribute to. More and more lately it seems stress, responsibilities, and growing up are taking their toll. We fight more, we fight easier, we fight harder, we fight longer, and the fights are deeper. Lately it feels like we are constantly grinding each other, we aren't resting in one another, we are stretching one another. We are constantly revealing the ugly things that have been lying dormant inside our heart and spirits, just waiting for the right trigger to come alive again. Sometimes I get so desperate to come up for air or to run far, far away . That is where these beautiful people in our lives, my parents, grandparents and a few close spiritual mom's and dad's provide a little rest and perspective. I don't know how many times I've gone over to my parent's studio, on the verge of tears or exploding , or literally exploding into tears or tearfully exploding , I pour my heart out to them about the disappointments, the hurt and the frustrations in my marriage, and then they tenderly speak life and truth into my bruised heart. Sometimes it's my perspective, sometimes it's my response that's the problem, or sometimes I lose sight of the goal. Let's find the gold in Ryan, regardless of the dirt, and bring that to the surface and let's try and find the gold in me, instead of the dirt, so I can go back into the battlefield, ready to fight for my marriage and not against it.
This stressed to me the importance of family, friends and the community. If you are off, your thinking or your perspective, you are going to be running into a lot of walls, especially in relationships. There needs to be people in your life who you can trust to tell you the truth without any agendas of their own personal gain. This is beyond a key for a healthy marriage, this is a key to being a healthy person, a person that is always growing and maturing. I think though, you can probably put on a front in a society that you a functional without any close friends to speak truth to you; but a marriage, maybe on the outside your marriage will look great, but on the inside, you're not alone with your dysfunctional secrets, your spouse is going through the same pain, confusion and loneliness you are.
Being married reveals a lot to you about yourself, it you are willing to look. Ryan and I are trying to implement proper techniques for conflict resolution and the results are amazing. When we can actually communicate when we disagree or are hurt or angry; it builds our relationship and intimacy, as opposed to arguments , which create walls and distance. It is also incredible revealing for pinpointing the motivators of our actions and our response, which is enabling for healing and supporting one another, which is making us stronger -slowly, and painfully. I know they say muscles get stronger or bigger by the muscles ripping and then healing , I feel kind of like that is what happens to newly married couples as they become more and more united. Your spirit, heart and soul is being ripped, but when you heal, you heal and grow back together, you connection gets more stronger and more powerful.
I think that as Ryan and I get stronger, we will be able more and more to carry the weight of our marriage, but in the meantime, thank you, specifically to my mom and dad , for "spotting" us while we build strength.
1 comment:
Awesome timing for me to read this. Thanks for being real Sarah-Jane :)
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