I think my husband is adorable and says the funniest things. I really enjoy him and I always want to share what he does that makes me laugh. So I am going to start a mini series through out my blog, when my hubby and I have a convo that strikes me as funny, I'll do an insert and title it conversations with Ryan. This will be my first one! Hope you enjoy him as much as I do :)
Last week I was quite sick with a viruses in my sinuses, which was quite painful in the face with all the congestion. So I was lying on the couch in Ryan's arms wheezing and whimpering in pain.
Ryan looks down at me lovingly, "Oh baby, I hate seeing you like this, I wish I could take away all your pain..."
Me,"Awwww!! That's one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me!!"
Then he looks at Nehemiah in my arms and then quickly clarifies,"Except childbirth...I'll ummm...I'll leave that to you!"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I'm glad we fought last night...
The role the subconscious plays in our relationships and how we relate to people is incredible. This has been a really tense week for Ryan and I. We are both being pushed to our limits with the challenges of a new family; not sleeping enough, not enough down time, not enough time-period, not being able to stay on top of keeping the house clean, both of us working Ryan working full time and me part time,things now tighter financial that I am not working full time anymore and we have doubled in expenses since this time last year, ,and all the other commitments and life things that come up ( I still haven't gotten the nursery set up!!)So we are being stretched..as new families usually are, but this week I've been extra aggravated. And sometimes a fight is what brings to light what is really going on.
A couple that is close to Ryan and I are going through a divorce, and it seems new information keeps coming to light every week that is making things nastier and nastier. It's scarey being a newly married couple and as your marriage and life together is starting, you are witnessing first hand someone else's marriage and life together end. You can't help but question why? Why did it get this bad? Where did it go wrong? What were the small issues that were never talked about that got enormous and then unbearable?Then the magnifying glasses moves to your marriage, whether you realize it or not your start examining your relationship or your spouse for issues.
And of course you will find them, and then like a private eye you look for those issues rearing their ugly heads in every interaction you have and you WILL find them there, whether they really are there or not.
Last night Ryan and I got to a breaking point. One of those breaking points were you have violent urges to knock in your spouse's teeth. I finally came clean on what had really been bothering me all week, I FELT like my husband was selfish, that he was more concerned about meeting his needs first and that I was not a priority to him.My husband, of course took huge offense to this, and took it as a personal attack. He asked for examples of how he put himself first. I gave him three examples from yesterday.
#1) He woke me up at 6:30 in the morning to shave his neck for him. My husband did not understand how this was a selfish act. I sweetly explained to him that I am exhausted, I am usually woken up a couple of times with the baby in the night, therefor not getting good sleep. I can't nap when the baby naps, I've never been a napper, and when I've been with the baby since 4:30 in the morning and I just get back to sleep, and you wake me up to shave your neck,it makes me feel like you think your personal grooming is more important then my mental and physical health.
#2) We were driving out to Sackville to go visit with my brother and sister-in-law I take my seat belt off and lean around to the back seat to put the soother back in the baby's mouth, Ryan gets mad and tells me to sit down and put my belt back on before we get a ticket. My husband didn't understand this one either. I explained to him my issues with this behavior. I understand that I should wear my seat belt because it is the law put in place to protect me, what hurts is that he sees me doing something dangerous and he thinks about what it is going to cost him (the ticket) instead of what it could cost me( my life). With him citing the ticket as the reason for me to buckle up instead of my safety, I feel like he is more concerned with his pocketbook then my life.
#3) We are picking up supper at McDonald's Drive thru (I love their southwest salads) and I ask him to ask for a glass of water for me ( I am against bottled water when safe tap water is available) He refuses because he is too embarrassed to ask for something for free. I explain that this upsets me and I feel like it is an act of selfishness. I am sick and breastfeeding and am dehydrated and have a painful dry throat. However, he puts his pride over my comfort and health.
Now you are probably thinking, wow, she is a totally lunatic getting so mad over all those little things OR, wow, her husband is a total jerk. But wait...neither is true...phew!
As I was pouring my heart out to my husband about how these small trivial mistakes were angering me to the point I didn't want to be around him, I actually accidental end my rant with a confession. I am scared.I was shocked, but it was the truth, I was scared to lose my husband in 30 years. These small incidents where it FELT like my husband didn't put me first,represented, to me, the ability to put himself first in 30 years and walk away when he wanted to. I was terrified, and it had totally been consuming me all week without me evening realizing it. Every time my husband did something that didn't scream " I LOVE MY WIFE" I planted a seed of fear and of doubt in him. Telling myself," he's not gonna protect you, he's not going to be there for you, you're going to end up alone; exhausted, used and helpless." Which, for the record, does not have an ounce of truth in it. My husband our entire relationship has grown leaps and bounds, and continues daily become a more selfless person.
Once we realized what we were really fighting about, the fight was over. I realized that I was taking small imperfections, that need to be worked on, and making them, huge life altering problems.
You can't always control what comes up in your life, and you can't control your subconscious. But you can control your media (exposing yourself to dysfunctional relationships on tv and in movies can have the same affect on your subconscious) and you can control your actions, your emotions and your thoughts. So if things are getting a little tense at home, ask yourself, what are the real issues here? Am I upset because my husband woke me up when I was exhausted? Yes, but Why am I fuming about it?
Ryan and I were able to acknowledge some messy issues and the tension between us has lifted. We are both gonna work on the little things to make sure things don't get out of hand and make sure to have EXTRA grace with each other. But again it comes down to communication, but in order for communication to really work, you first need to know what you really want to communicate.
A couple that is close to Ryan and I are going through a divorce, and it seems new information keeps coming to light every week that is making things nastier and nastier. It's scarey being a newly married couple and as your marriage and life together is starting, you are witnessing first hand someone else's marriage and life together end. You can't help but question why? Why did it get this bad? Where did it go wrong? What were the small issues that were never talked about that got enormous and then unbearable?Then the magnifying glasses moves to your marriage, whether you realize it or not your start examining your relationship or your spouse for issues.
And of course you will find them, and then like a private eye you look for those issues rearing their ugly heads in every interaction you have and you WILL find them there, whether they really are there or not.
Last night Ryan and I got to a breaking point. One of those breaking points were you have violent urges to knock in your spouse's teeth. I finally came clean on what had really been bothering me all week, I FELT like my husband was selfish, that he was more concerned about meeting his needs first and that I was not a priority to him.My husband, of course took huge offense to this, and took it as a personal attack. He asked for examples of how he put himself first. I gave him three examples from yesterday.
#1) He woke me up at 6:30 in the morning to shave his neck for him. My husband did not understand how this was a selfish act. I sweetly explained to him that I am exhausted, I am usually woken up a couple of times with the baby in the night, therefor not getting good sleep. I can't nap when the baby naps, I've never been a napper, and when I've been with the baby since 4:30 in the morning and I just get back to sleep, and you wake me up to shave your neck,it makes me feel like you think your personal grooming is more important then my mental and physical health.
#2) We were driving out to Sackville to go visit with my brother and sister-in-law I take my seat belt off and lean around to the back seat to put the soother back in the baby's mouth, Ryan gets mad and tells me to sit down and put my belt back on before we get a ticket. My husband didn't understand this one either. I explained to him my issues with this behavior. I understand that I should wear my seat belt because it is the law put in place to protect me, what hurts is that he sees me doing something dangerous and he thinks about what it is going to cost him (the ticket) instead of what it could cost me( my life). With him citing the ticket as the reason for me to buckle up instead of my safety, I feel like he is more concerned with his pocketbook then my life.
#3) We are picking up supper at McDonald's Drive thru (I love their southwest salads) and I ask him to ask for a glass of water for me ( I am against bottled water when safe tap water is available) He refuses because he is too embarrassed to ask for something for free. I explain that this upsets me and I feel like it is an act of selfishness. I am sick and breastfeeding and am dehydrated and have a painful dry throat. However, he puts his pride over my comfort and health.
Now you are probably thinking, wow, she is a totally lunatic getting so mad over all those little things OR, wow, her husband is a total jerk. But wait...neither is true...phew!
As I was pouring my heart out to my husband about how these small trivial mistakes were angering me to the point I didn't want to be around him, I actually accidental end my rant with a confession. I am scared.I was shocked, but it was the truth, I was scared to lose my husband in 30 years. These small incidents where it FELT like my husband didn't put me first,represented, to me, the ability to put himself first in 30 years and walk away when he wanted to. I was terrified, and it had totally been consuming me all week without me evening realizing it. Every time my husband did something that didn't scream " I LOVE MY WIFE" I planted a seed of fear and of doubt in him. Telling myself," he's not gonna protect you, he's not going to be there for you, you're going to end up alone; exhausted, used and helpless." Which, for the record, does not have an ounce of truth in it. My husband our entire relationship has grown leaps and bounds, and continues daily become a more selfless person.
Once we realized what we were really fighting about, the fight was over. I realized that I was taking small imperfections, that need to be worked on, and making them, huge life altering problems.
You can't always control what comes up in your life, and you can't control your subconscious. But you can control your media (exposing yourself to dysfunctional relationships on tv and in movies can have the same affect on your subconscious) and you can control your actions, your emotions and your thoughts. So if things are getting a little tense at home, ask yourself, what are the real issues here? Am I upset because my husband woke me up when I was exhausted? Yes, but Why am I fuming about it?
Ryan and I were able to acknowledge some messy issues and the tension between us has lifted. We are both gonna work on the little things to make sure things don't get out of hand and make sure to have EXTRA grace with each other. But again it comes down to communication, but in order for communication to really work, you first need to know what you really want to communicate.
Friday, September 23, 2011
The thing about motherhood...
I love my little dumpling with all my heart, he's amazing...but I must say the hours for this whole mother job thing, is for the birds. This is not a 40 hour a week job. No sir. No lunch breaks, no 15's, no weekends off, no paid over time...no pay at all actually, no pd days, no vacation days, no sick days (I've been sick the past three days, I don't even think he noticed.) I think if I could have a weekend off, I'd come back feeling much more myself. But I can't exactly leave him home alone with the leftovers from last nights supper...yet.
I don't really think you can completely understand exactly what your parents have done for you until you are a parent yourself.Two weeks ago, my mother was taking my sister to California and was gone for the week, my little sister never came back, my husband was working over time and our friend Christine moved out and on to Tennessee, it was the first time I felt truly alone with the baby... and it was scarey. There were a lot of tears and messes, and sometimes Nehemiah would even cry a little too. I sat rocking him in the rocking chair, tears streaming down my face as I tried to pray him to sleep. All I could think of was God Bless my mother, what an incredible woman. Being a mother is THE MOST SACRIFICIAL thing you can be. You lose your time, you lose your life, you lose your body (you eventually can get back in shape but I know I'm stuck with some of these stretch marks), you lay everything down to keep this little being alive and happy, nothing touches all aspects of your life like a child does.
I was getting my hair done with my mother on Saturday, and the stylist commented on how she was back to work after taking quite some time off. I asked her if she missed her kids now that she wasn't a stay at home mom anymore. She responded it was good being back to work. It feels good to know there's more to her then being a mom.A wave a relief washed over me, I've been battling this for the past few weeks. Trying to find the right balance, what I am happy with doing, and what I should be doing regardless of whether I am happy or not. Can I truly find all the fulfillment I need from just being a wife and a mother? Am I even suppose to? Ryan and I have wanted to home school our kids while they are elementary school age.I feel like there is more to invest in them as parents at that age and we should not leave it to the world to do it for us. But here's the rub, I want to go back to university and Ryan wants to go to college, and I would like to use the profession I am planning on studying to make the world a better place. But can I study for the next 7-8 years AND invest in my kids the way I want to? Do I completely put my life on hold for the next 18 years or until the kids are old enough to take care of themselves? Can we even afford for me to do that? Do I want to be going to school at 40, is there even a point then? You can tell I'm trying to work out the "bad mommy" issue. I keep hearing the little voice, "what a bad mommy you are,wanting to abandon your kids and pursue your own dreams." But that's not the truth, and I know that.I think I know what I really want. I want to bring my kids on the adventure of me pursuing my dreams, not leave them at home to raise themselves. I also want to teach them to pursue their own. I think that is one of the biggest things for me as a parent to try and convey to my children, DREAM BIG AND GO DO IT. Imagining Nehemiah doing what he loves and loving his life seems like the mark of a successful parent to me.I think leading by example is a very powerful teaching tool.
This is all a new crazy juggling act but, would I give him up to get my old life back? No, never. It's a breathtaking thing to feel love from your own child. It stops you in your tracks when he smiles at you. I remember the first time he was crying while someone was holding him and they handed him to me and he calmed right down. My husband commented later how he loves his mommy. I'll never forget that rush of excitement when it dawned on me, "Really?! Do you think he actually knows who I am?! And actually LOVES me?!" It's the coolest thing ever, even with the crap shifts.
I don't really think you can completely understand exactly what your parents have done for you until you are a parent yourself.Two weeks ago, my mother was taking my sister to California and was gone for the week, my little sister never came back, my husband was working over time and our friend Christine moved out and on to Tennessee, it was the first time I felt truly alone with the baby... and it was scarey. There were a lot of tears and messes, and sometimes Nehemiah would even cry a little too. I sat rocking him in the rocking chair, tears streaming down my face as I tried to pray him to sleep. All I could think of was God Bless my mother, what an incredible woman. Being a mother is THE MOST SACRIFICIAL thing you can be. You lose your time, you lose your life, you lose your body (you eventually can get back in shape but I know I'm stuck with some of these stretch marks), you lay everything down to keep this little being alive and happy, nothing touches all aspects of your life like a child does.
I was getting my hair done with my mother on Saturday, and the stylist commented on how she was back to work after taking quite some time off. I asked her if she missed her kids now that she wasn't a stay at home mom anymore. She responded it was good being back to work. It feels good to know there's more to her then being a mom.A wave a relief washed over me, I've been battling this for the past few weeks. Trying to find the right balance, what I am happy with doing, and what I should be doing regardless of whether I am happy or not. Can I truly find all the fulfillment I need from just being a wife and a mother? Am I even suppose to? Ryan and I have wanted to home school our kids while they are elementary school age.I feel like there is more to invest in them as parents at that age and we should not leave it to the world to do it for us. But here's the rub, I want to go back to university and Ryan wants to go to college, and I would like to use the profession I am planning on studying to make the world a better place. But can I study for the next 7-8 years AND invest in my kids the way I want to? Do I completely put my life on hold for the next 18 years or until the kids are old enough to take care of themselves? Can we even afford for me to do that? Do I want to be going to school at 40, is there even a point then? You can tell I'm trying to work out the "bad mommy" issue. I keep hearing the little voice, "what a bad mommy you are,wanting to abandon your kids and pursue your own dreams." But that's not the truth, and I know that.I think I know what I really want. I want to bring my kids on the adventure of me pursuing my dreams, not leave them at home to raise themselves. I also want to teach them to pursue their own. I think that is one of the biggest things for me as a parent to try and convey to my children, DREAM BIG AND GO DO IT. Imagining Nehemiah doing what he loves and loving his life seems like the mark of a successful parent to me.I think leading by example is a very powerful teaching tool.
This is all a new crazy juggling act but, would I give him up to get my old life back? No, never. It's a breathtaking thing to feel love from your own child. It stops you in your tracks when he smiles at you. I remember the first time he was crying while someone was holding him and they handed him to me and he calmed right down. My husband commented later how he loves his mommy. I'll never forget that rush of excitement when it dawned on me, "Really?! Do you think he actually knows who I am?! And actually LOVES me?!" It's the coolest thing ever, even with the crap shifts.
Sex...to wait or not to wait? That is the question.
I love sex. Pretty much always have,I love the electric charge through your whole body when your going in for the kill, and all the fun through to the end. Therefor, logically, you would think that sex would be easier once you get married not harder...and maybe for some people it is, but that has not been my experience so far.
I've made a number of bad decisions in my past, a lot regarding relationships and men and that has brought a lot of baggage into my life. Which, besides a bitter heart and a black soul, I was functioning fine with; however, once I got married these issues got huge, magnified times a hundred, especially in the bedroom. I asked my husband as we were lying in bed after a blissful morning (he's got the day off work and the baby has been sleeping all morning...what else are we gonna do?) Why was it easier to having meaningless sex with men that meant nothing to me, then have meaningful sex with a man who means everything to me? "I don't know" my husband responds sleepily . And neither do I, but I have a couple of ideas why it might be a little harder for me to relax now.
I think one of the worst feelings in the world, is lying in your loving husband's arms after great sex (as he starts to dose off,) and feeling like a whore, because you are remembering the other guys you've experienced this with. It TOTALLY ruins the moment. Guilt and shame and disgust rush in overwhelmingly instead of love, peace and just pure bliss. Now I'm lying there, trying to come to terms with how deeply I am in love with this man and want to give him everything, but I've already given so much away.I start to get angry at myself tears coming down my face,Ryan continues to snores away. I poke him to wake him up, and I tell him I am sorry for my past decisions, I can't even be specific it's too painful. But he knows, He kisses me sleepily on the head and tells me he loves me, he's forgiven me a long time ago and he's chosen to forget about it all, and so has God. This isn't the first time we've had this conversation, it comes up quite often. Usually when I feel close to him or really loved,the guilt comes in.
I heard growing up, in books, sermons, videos, pastors, whatever, all say to wait till you get married to have sex. And they would go on to explain why it's so important, you don't want to give little pieces of your heart away and only have a broken dirty used heart to give to your spouse. But why did I never listen?! That has been so major on my heart since Ryan and I have had to fight through this battle for me. How do you communicate to unmarried people and couples something they can't comprehend. Like I said, up until I was married, although I had had a few broken hearts and bumps and bruises, I thought that I was fine.My one night stands or friendly hook ups weren't that bad at all. I wasn't a broken woman, I wasn't just throwing myself at men. I had everything under control. But it's one game to sleep with someone that you don't see all the time or you'll only see for so long, it's another thing to sleep with someone you see all the time, and you are going to continue sleeping with and seeing for the rest of your life. Brings some weight into it. And maybe that's one of the reasons why we young people don't listen.
We see in TV,movies, advertising, music and sometimes friends sex being so casual and not a big deal. However, good sex is a HUGE deal in a healthy marriage, but most of us never get that part. It's almost like all along you've been wearing these beautiful earrings. You love them and you wear them all the time. Then one day, upon closer inspection, someone informs you, those are real diamonds and they are worth a fortune, you should really be careful. Your dumbfounded, you had no idea you've been carrying millions of dollars around with you everywhere. You still love the earrings, but you also want to protect them now that you know how valuable they are. But it's too late you realize while you've been partying and carrying on...some of the gems have fallen out and you are in no financial position to purchase new diamonds to restore them to their former glory.
How can you know how good something tastes, if you've never eaten it before? How do you go on someones word that "That pie is the best most delicious pie in the world, all pies pale in comparison!" Without having a bite? I hope I figure out how to answer this in time for when my kids are curios. I mean it's more like telling your kids that this is the best pie in the world it tastes so good you can hardly stand it, when they don't even know what pie is. I pray that by sharing my experiences other girls won't make the same mistakes I have. A lot of people say "I've made lot's of mistakes in my past, but I wouldn't change a thing." I would, I would change a lot of nights. I feel like it's not enough to simply say, trust me, you'll appreciate it later, there are too many pressures, too many temptations, too many lonely people to justify decisions making on something so untangible and unexplainable.I pray God gives me the wisdom and the relationship with my kids to be able to communicate properly the weight behind the seemingly small decisions they can make at such a young inexperienced age.
I guess I'll end this post in honoring my husband. Although he was not a virgin when we got married, he only slept with one other girl, and not because that was his only opportunity, but because he wanted to wait until he was married.I know men aren't as emotional about sex as woman are, so they don't always get scarred the way woman do. But I appreciate his constant grace and patience and love with me, as I have to heal my wounds before I can love him fully like I am suppose to. I appreciate the restoration he continues to bring into my life and how damn good he is in bed. ;)
I've made a number of bad decisions in my past, a lot regarding relationships and men and that has brought a lot of baggage into my life. Which, besides a bitter heart and a black soul, I was functioning fine with; however, once I got married these issues got huge, magnified times a hundred, especially in the bedroom. I asked my husband as we were lying in bed after a blissful morning (he's got the day off work and the baby has been sleeping all morning...what else are we gonna do?) Why was it easier to having meaningless sex with men that meant nothing to me, then have meaningful sex with a man who means everything to me? "I don't know" my husband responds sleepily . And neither do I, but I have a couple of ideas why it might be a little harder for me to relax now.
I think one of the worst feelings in the world, is lying in your loving husband's arms after great sex (as he starts to dose off,) and feeling like a whore, because you are remembering the other guys you've experienced this with. It TOTALLY ruins the moment. Guilt and shame and disgust rush in overwhelmingly instead of love, peace and just pure bliss. Now I'm lying there, trying to come to terms with how deeply I am in love with this man and want to give him everything, but I've already given so much away.I start to get angry at myself tears coming down my face,Ryan continues to snores away. I poke him to wake him up, and I tell him I am sorry for my past decisions, I can't even be specific it's too painful. But he knows, He kisses me sleepily on the head and tells me he loves me, he's forgiven me a long time ago and he's chosen to forget about it all, and so has God. This isn't the first time we've had this conversation, it comes up quite often. Usually when I feel close to him or really loved,the guilt comes in.
I heard growing up, in books, sermons, videos, pastors, whatever, all say to wait till you get married to have sex. And they would go on to explain why it's so important, you don't want to give little pieces of your heart away and only have a broken dirty used heart to give to your spouse. But why did I never listen?! That has been so major on my heart since Ryan and I have had to fight through this battle for me. How do you communicate to unmarried people and couples something they can't comprehend. Like I said, up until I was married, although I had had a few broken hearts and bumps and bruises, I thought that I was fine.My one night stands or friendly hook ups weren't that bad at all. I wasn't a broken woman, I wasn't just throwing myself at men. I had everything under control. But it's one game to sleep with someone that you don't see all the time or you'll only see for so long, it's another thing to sleep with someone you see all the time, and you are going to continue sleeping with and seeing for the rest of your life. Brings some weight into it. And maybe that's one of the reasons why we young people don't listen.
We see in TV,movies, advertising, music and sometimes friends sex being so casual and not a big deal. However, good sex is a HUGE deal in a healthy marriage, but most of us never get that part. It's almost like all along you've been wearing these beautiful earrings. You love them and you wear them all the time. Then one day, upon closer inspection, someone informs you, those are real diamonds and they are worth a fortune, you should really be careful. Your dumbfounded, you had no idea you've been carrying millions of dollars around with you everywhere. You still love the earrings, but you also want to protect them now that you know how valuable they are. But it's too late you realize while you've been partying and carrying on...some of the gems have fallen out and you are in no financial position to purchase new diamonds to restore them to their former glory.
How can you know how good something tastes, if you've never eaten it before? How do you go on someones word that "That pie is the best most delicious pie in the world, all pies pale in comparison!" Without having a bite? I hope I figure out how to answer this in time for when my kids are curios. I mean it's more like telling your kids that this is the best pie in the world it tastes so good you can hardly stand it, when they don't even know what pie is. I pray that by sharing my experiences other girls won't make the same mistakes I have. A lot of people say "I've made lot's of mistakes in my past, but I wouldn't change a thing." I would, I would change a lot of nights. I feel like it's not enough to simply say, trust me, you'll appreciate it later, there are too many pressures, too many temptations, too many lonely people to justify decisions making on something so untangible and unexplainable.I pray God gives me the wisdom and the relationship with my kids to be able to communicate properly the weight behind the seemingly small decisions they can make at such a young inexperienced age.
I guess I'll end this post in honoring my husband. Although he was not a virgin when we got married, he only slept with one other girl, and not because that was his only opportunity, but because he wanted to wait until he was married.I know men aren't as emotional about sex as woman are, so they don't always get scarred the way woman do. But I appreciate his constant grace and patience and love with me, as I have to heal my wounds before I can love him fully like I am suppose to. I appreciate the restoration he continues to bring into my life and how damn good he is in bed. ;)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Logic
So I have decided to create a new blog. Not that my other one was very successful, I would only update it every 3-4 months, but I had to force myself often to come up with content to write about, it didn't flow naturally. However, I am in a new season in my life (new wife and mother), and I need to vent, and write things out to sort them.
Being a wife is amazing, but it isn't easy-especially being married young. My husband and I have known each other for years and have always been good friends and I love him very much, I love having him in my life and I love his company...but what I don't always love is living with him. Sometimes, I would love to be married, but be neighbors-that have lot's of dinner parties and sleepovers. I find this man's socks EVERYWHERE!!! It is actually mind-blowing. Every morning he says to me "Sweetheart do you know where my socks are?" And I reply in my sleep "Check the clean laundry basket..." because I do not have it in me at 5am to say "Check the dresser, or check the floor, check under the bed, check the hamper, check the closet, check the living room, check under the couch, check in the couch, check in the dining room, check ON the dining room table, check in the hallway, check in the entry room, check in the kitchen, check in the baby's room, check in the laundry room,check the car...HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU NOT FIND SOCKS WHEN IT'S ALL I SEEM TO FIND EVERYWHERE?!!?!?"...this is one of our marital problems...Ryan just doesn't know it yet. Which leads to the bigger issue really...communication...
Better communication always seems to be the answer to relationship problems, but still most couples, including myself, aren't making it a priority to communicate how they really feel. Whether it is negative or positive, and in today's society where marriage is constantly being attacked by the media I think the Positive communication is desperately needed! But woman, especially, tend to hold back the negative, FOR WHATEVER REASON, I don't know if we don't want to portray the "mother figure" or be the nagging wife, but a lot of woman let men do things that bug them all the time and not say a thing...right away. Then it flips, all the pent up frustration and resentment explodes, all hell breaks loose, and all you can say is negative things and nit pick your husband apart. I was in the shower the other day upset with Ryan over something, I don't even remember what it was, and as I was standing there fuming over it and not talking to him about it, I started this chain of negative thoughts toward him, the thing I was frustrated about at the moment, reminded me of something else he had done that bugged me, which reminded me of something else, and so on and so on, I was getting SO worked up, then I caught myself..."I'm planning my husbands murder and he doesn't even know why he's been sentenced to death!" ..not healthy relationship habits.
So my focus for the next 40 days is to daily communicate how I am feeling(won't he enjoy this lol... He'll probably stop me before the end of the first week and say "Ya know what, just keep it pent up inside, and let all hell break loose once in a while, I think that's easier") both the frustrations, and the things he does that I appreciate...because he is getting much better and does a wonderful job with laundry, taking out the trash, and changing dirty diapers-none of which are glamorous jobs. He is not perfect and neither am I but I love my husband even with his memory lapsing schizophrenia relationship with his socks.
Being a wife is amazing, but it isn't easy-especially being married young. My husband and I have known each other for years and have always been good friends and I love him very much, I love having him in my life and I love his company...but what I don't always love is living with him. Sometimes, I would love to be married, but be neighbors-that have lot's of dinner parties and sleepovers. I find this man's socks EVERYWHERE!!! It is actually mind-blowing. Every morning he says to me "Sweetheart do you know where my socks are?" And I reply in my sleep "Check the clean laundry basket..." because I do not have it in me at 5am to say "Check the dresser, or check the floor, check under the bed, check the hamper, check the closet, check the living room, check under the couch, check in the couch, check in the dining room, check ON the dining room table, check in the hallway, check in the entry room, check in the kitchen, check in the baby's room, check in the laundry room,check the car...HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU NOT FIND SOCKS WHEN IT'S ALL I SEEM TO FIND EVERYWHERE?!!?!?"...this is one of our marital problems...Ryan just doesn't know it yet. Which leads to the bigger issue really...communication...
Better communication always seems to be the answer to relationship problems, but still most couples, including myself, aren't making it a priority to communicate how they really feel. Whether it is negative or positive, and in today's society where marriage is constantly being attacked by the media I think the Positive communication is desperately needed! But woman, especially, tend to hold back the negative, FOR WHATEVER REASON, I don't know if we don't want to portray the "mother figure" or be the nagging wife, but a lot of woman let men do things that bug them all the time and not say a thing...right away. Then it flips, all the pent up frustration and resentment explodes, all hell breaks loose, and all you can say is negative things and nit pick your husband apart. I was in the shower the other day upset with Ryan over something, I don't even remember what it was, and as I was standing there fuming over it and not talking to him about it, I started this chain of negative thoughts toward him, the thing I was frustrated about at the moment, reminded me of something else he had done that bugged me, which reminded me of something else, and so on and so on, I was getting SO worked up, then I caught myself..."I'm planning my husbands murder and he doesn't even know why he's been sentenced to death!" ..not healthy relationship habits.
So my focus for the next 40 days is to daily communicate how I am feeling(won't he enjoy this lol... He'll probably stop me before the end of the first week and say "Ya know what, just keep it pent up inside, and let all hell break loose once in a while, I think that's easier") both the frustrations, and the things he does that I appreciate...because he is getting much better and does a wonderful job with laundry, taking out the trash, and changing dirty diapers-none of which are glamorous jobs. He is not perfect and neither am I but I love my husband even with his memory lapsing schizophrenia relationship with his socks.
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