Where's my Knight in Shining Armour?

Lately,  I feel, God has really been challenging me on where/how I get my needs met. After sharing with a friend a few weeks ago, I don't think I'm alone.

You see, I've had this expectation of my husband and have been bitterly disappointed when he has not met it. I have really been trying to identify what it is I'm looking for out of my husband and I think I've got it narrowed down to a pretty good list:

• Has grace and understanding when I screw up
• Is always taking my feelings into account with every action he takes
• Can listen to my attacking, nagging and anger with love and not be defensive
• Never gets angry or is harsh with me 
• Is essentially my emotional punching bag, taking any and all of my immaturity with stride
• unconditional love and responses when I'm hurting and therefore hurting others (mostly like him)

Writing them down  makes it even more real, in two ways.
The first; acknowledging how absolutely selfish and ridiculous these expectations are for me to have of a man.
The second; how real and how desperately I really need unconditional love, acceptance and a safe place to screw up.

The more I thought about my dream husband, the more I realized I was longing for pretty much the exact description of the Christ figure. A man who  literally set aside everything and everyone that was important to him to show his love, to the point of his own death. Many people debate about the sin/ Saviour dynamic, but the bottom line is the scripture that everyone knows: John 3:16 "For God so LOVED the world, that he sent his only son.." His motivation was love, his agenda was love and a reconnection to his people.

Over the years I've really battled with my relationship with God and faith. Flip flopping back and forth between the things I've seen, experienced, and know that support God's existence or contradict it. As I've pressed into my marriage more and more, looking to have the healthiest , whole marriage one can have, God's plans for marriage, sex, family and relationships have always been the most sustaining and life giving. So it's really sent me soul searching again .

Now , as I feel this massive "knight in shining Armour" hole inside of me, that I know , is not my husbands responsibility to fill , although it is what he's suppose to pursue (we both are - unconditional love for each other) I know that I can't wait for my husband to figure it out , and it's not fair to him for me too. He's on his own journey and he is responsible for his heart, thoughts and actions. But I am also in charge of my own, so when I am looking to my husband to respond to me in the way only a perfect being can,  I'm setting us both up to fail .

 We are trying to teach Nehemiah now that it is HIS job to control HIS actions & attitudes, not mommy and daddy. And that his brother and other kids jobs are to have their own self control. I don't know if it's working! lol But, in trying to spell this principal out in three year old terms, it's really convicted me and reminded me again, that I am responsible for my own emotional well-being and thoughts and that my husband (to put it objectively) is just a resource to help with me managing myself , not a crutch, not the source of my happiness or peace, but someone to reference from time to time when I need help when I'm working on me.